Loss

It has been a little over a week since our loss. It seems odd that losing him, someone that had spent so little time as a part of our family, could be so distressing. Yes, he was truly a part of our family. He was sweet and loving and he accepted our love genuinely. A bond was formed that I never expected between him and us. You may find it a little strange, especially knowing the type of person that I am, to have felt so close to him. Generally, I tend to be devoid of emotions and sometimes, some would say, a little cold and a bit angry. It appears that he and his brothers, with a huge assist from my wonderful wife, have begun the long, arduous process of breaking down these walls. I think the hand written note we received from the doctor the other day brought to light that death, even in your pets, can be a heavy burden and a stress that can linger.

It has been eight days since I dug the hole in the backyard. It has been eight days since I wrapped up our little guy, who we watched suffer and die in my wife’s arms, and put him into the ground. It has been eight days since I wrote his name on a brick, to be used as a headstone, and laid a flower on his grave.

As of this morning, looking back there in the yard still brings a hint of sadness which is atypical for me. I do think that the burial was cathartic and it does show, even in the smallest way, that I have grown emotionally. I know that there is nothing wrong with a grown man, a father and husband to cry, even if only for one small, helpless, lonely kitten because he was truly a member of our family.

Rest in peace little Anthony Van Dyck. Your family misses you.