I saw a neat little post over at Flutter’s place the other day and I thought I would try it out.
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If anyone actually tries this, drop me line.
**Yes, I did notice one or two grammatical errors in the handwriting part. I was too lazy to fix it once I scanned it. I think it gives it character!
I am sure many of you understand what I was going through. It is an almost surreal moment to walk into a hospital room and see a parent lying there hooked up to tubes and wires. Lights flash, liquids drip, things inflate & deflate. I can’t quite grasp the concept of seeing someone that throughout your entire life has been a very strong person now seemingly weak and powerless and sickly.
Two weeks ago, my mom went into the hospital for what we were assured was going to be a simple outpatient surgery. This was not the case. The procedure took hours longer than the doctor expected. Going home the same day was just not happening. The following day arrived and so did the immense pain. This was pain that was not planned. Walking was impossible.
One day turned into two days. Two days turned into four and eventually after a week had passed she was finally allowed to go home. I left work a couple of times to visit her in the hospital but after my first visit she requested that everyone stay away. I fully understood as I don’t like to have people around me when I have even the smallest cold.
My relationship with my mom, well my parents in general, is an odd one. I have found over the years that I can be a very “huggy” person. I hug my wife and son all the time. I am free with the hugs when it comes to my friends as well. I am sure that this is a psychiatrists dream but I can only remember hugging my mom maybe twice in my entire life. It isn’t that I don’t like to do it or that I don’t want to do it, I just feel odd about it. Obviously, we have not been a very “hug-happy” family. I try to be quite the opposite with the rest of the people in my life, though.
Oddly enough, my sister is very affectionate with my parents and vice-versa. They also have been known to throw around the hugs with the grandchildren but with me it has been different. I don’t say this in anger or jealousy, just stating facts.
I do have a pretty good adult relationship with my mom. We converse about all topics whether it is politics, literature, music, or whatever, you name it and we talk about it. It is definitely a step up from when I used to be a little bastard in my high school years. I am quite proud of the relationship that we have managed to create but it still isn’t the typical one.
When I walked into that hospital room I wanted to go hug her to let her know that I was hurting for her. I just couldn’t and I did not. Does this make me a terrible son? Sometimes I think so. I was very sad to see her lying there in pain. All I could do was pray. I think that helped, if not for then for me. I tend to do that a lot when I am all by myself. I also listen to music that inspires me. I have found that the lyrics to my new favorite band, Flat Rock Revival, does a lot for me.
I have vowed to change how I am with my parents. Maybe I will do it soon. I should do it before it is too late. Who looks weak now?
