Before I get started, I have to warn you that there will be movie spoilers a bit further down…
Yesterday was my …ahem… 34th birthday. The wife and I woke up rediculously early, like in the 5 o’clock hour! Maybe I was just excited. Who knows. Well, we made it over to the G-Man’s house and started concocting our plan for the day.
We started the afternoon with a nice lunch at the Olive Garden. Little did I know that the ‘All-You-Can-Eat Soup, Salad & Breadsticks’ would be the death of me later. We hopped over to the Providence movie theatre and grabbed some last minute seats for the new Indiana Jones flic. We have been so excited about seeing this movie I just couldn’t stand it. I have always loved this franchise and to be forced to wait almost 20 years was just too much.
When we went to find our seats we were greeted to a throng of people. I wasn’t going to complain because hell, it was opening weekend…and my birthday. I had sort of made myself a promise to be in a great mood no matter what happened. My patience was definitely tried.
We managed to find 4 seats together about 3/4 of the way up and settled down mere moments before the previews started. This is about the time that Senor Douche, the guy in the group behind us, made his presence known. This guy was so effing annoying I just wanted to slap the shit out of him. He had a comment for EVERYTHING!
He about popped a woody for Hellboy 2. Come on dude, it is only Hellboy here. He scoffed at that Will Smith super hero movie: “Uhh, a drunk superhero?” You could hear his eyes rolling in his head…but mine were louder. The new movie with plastic-faced Nicole Kidman had the following piece of brilliant commentary: “She is pregnant, but you can’t tell here. You know, she is ‘with child‘.” Who the hell says ‘with child’ anymore in regular conversation?
Eventually, the movie started. I was so hyped! Okay so pay attention…
SPOILER ALERT TO FOLLOW
Uhh, the KGB in Nevada blasting their way into Area 51? Okay so in real life maybe they were able to get past the guard post but I mean is there no one else left to defend the base? Hello? Did anyone figure out the Shia LeBoeuf last week like I did? Of course you did. My yet to be thought of grandchildren saw that one coming. Aliens? Really? After 20 years all you could come up with was aliens? Oh please! Alright so I know that with most movies a suspension of reality is required. If I factor all that in and see everything I get the obligatory funny scenes which are a staple of the previous movies. I get pretty decent action. I get plot twists. We get the love story albeit one that we saw in the first movie just they are a lot older now. Even after all was said and done they had a chance to ‘pass the hat torch’ and let Indy’s son be the new Indiana Jones but nope.
For me it was my fourth favorite in the series. I would definitely say that it needs to be watched if you are a fan but wait until the DVD comes out.
END OF SPOILERS
Okay so during the movie either Senor Douchbag or one of cronies spent the whole time kicking my seat. Come to find out it wasn’t just my seat either but The School Girl’s, SueBoo’s and the G-Man’s. Once the movie was rolling the credits we decided to wait a minute to let the crowd dissipate. Senor Douchebag gets up to head back to his mom’s basement and starts another wonderful conversation with his buddies that began this way: “When I was in Peru…” Dude, shut the heck up! Oh and to top it all off…he was wearing the most spectacular of clothing accessories…a fanny pack!
We headed back to the homestead and decided to partake of a few adult beverages which is a must, right?
Anyway, we proceeded to go have some Japanese cuisine for the evening meal. I just love that stuff. Then a nice latte from Starbucks finished it all off. The rest of the evening consisted of silliness (words/phrases used included ‘puching the munchkin’ and ‘chocolate starfish’), some oderiferous emanations (someone made it smell like sewage) and this (click only if you are not a prude).
So, it was a low-key birthday but I am starting to feel like these aren’t really big deals anymore. I mean heck I have had over 30 of these things already but It was definitely nice to hang out with our friends again.
